Check It Out!!!

Friday, March 29, 2002
Last week as I was driving home from the hospital after Kelby's scans, I received an exciting email over my cell phone. About a month ago I wrote a little essay about our website and submitted it to Family Fun Magazine for their Online Family Connections Contest. They just wanted to hear people's ideas about how they keep in touch with family and friends using the internet. Anyways, that exciting email said that Family Fun was considering us as a finalist for their contest. Wasn't that amazing that the email would come on the same day as the news of Kelby's recurrence? It was a little blessing in the midst of a very difficult time. I didn't mention it before because I wanted to make sure it was for real.

I checked the website today and I noticed that we are indeed finalists for the contest! We are one of five going for the grand prize. And guess what the grand prize is...can you believe it's a trip to Disneyland?!!! You can never get enough of the happiest place on earth. We win either way because all the other finalists get Compaq iPAQs! Those are those little Personal Digital Assistants (PDA's) that have cool programs and MP3 capabilities. Mostly I was just excited that Kelby's story might reach an even wider audience.

Now, here is where you all come in. All five finalists have been posted on the FamilyFun.com website. They are taking votes to determine the grand prize. The voting will be taking place throughout the month of April. Please feel free to visit Family Fun's "Online Connection Contest" Vote Page to vote. To be fair, you should read all the entries and really vote for your favorite. You can vote once per day. When I wrote the essay, Kelby was still in remission so it is a little out dated now, but the sentiment is still true.

*The entry was removed from the Family Fun website, but here was my entry:

In December of 2000, my eighteen month old daughter Kelby was diagnosed with a high-risk form of childhood cancer, Neuroblastoma. With so many family and friends that lived far away, we decided to build a website to keep them connected. We updated the site almost daily with how she was doing complete with pictures, movies, and sound bytes of our strong little trooper. Kelby’s strength and endurance are forever documented on the website in movies of her dancing and playing, in her own sweet voice as she was just learning to talk, and in our story as we were in the moment. Her story touched so many lives as even strangers were checking her website. Anyone that inquired about Kelby got a little “business” card that had her picture and her website on it. This also reminded them to whisper a little prayer for her. The guest book on our website filled with loving comments from family, friends and strangers from across the country and even around the world. Kelby went through six months of difficult treatment, and is now in remission at age 2 1/2. We appreciate each person that kept track of Kelby’s treatment and prayed for our family. They made a big difference. Because we were able to touch so many lives through our daughter’s pain, it made that trial just a little bit more bearable. We have since quit updating that website and have started a new website that journals our daily life for family and friends. In later days, these websites will be digital scrapbooks of my children’s lives. The original website (www.mikrowiz.com/kelby) remains online as a resource for other families that are going through the battle against Neuroblastoma or any kind of childhood cancer.

When Kelby was in remission, I received several emails from people that were just starting treatment of newly discovered Neuroblastoma. My one piece of advice for them was to always look for the things to be thankful for...because there is always something for which to be thankful. Being a finalist for this contest is just that for me. I think that God is sneaky that way...and he blesses us in strange ways when we need it most.

Flying Home

View Full Album

We are currently up high in the sky flying our way back home. Wow! That was a whirlwind of a trip. We all had so much fun, but this really was a wonderful time for Kelby. I wish you all could have seen the sparkle in her eyes while she was at Disneyland and the beach. I think that we caught that sparkle in some of the pictures we took of her...I would hope so anyways...we took a million pictures and over 2 hours of video!

Our trip to the beach was great. We didn't go swimming or anything, but Kelby just loved it. It was overcast yesterday which was actually nice because it wasn't too hot. Kelby just made us wade in the waves for about an hour and a half. She sure didn't want to leave there. It was a relaxing day all around. After the beach we came back to the hotel and lounged a bit until dinnertime when we went out and found ourselves some "chicken bones!" That's Kentucky Fried Chicken if you were wondering. Kelby just loves the stuff. After our dinner (we ate in the hotel room which was much easier to handle with the two kids) we got all ready to visit "Downtown Disney" again. That's what they call the area between the two parks with all the fountains and shops. It doesn't cost anything to go there, but Kelby just LOVED all the fountains there. We just meandered our way over to the Disneyland hotel where we watched the laser-light water show again. That Kelby just loves the water. We also did a little shopping.

So, my favorite thing about yesterday was this really cool shop we found in Downtown Disney. It is called "Build-A-Bear Workshop." You go there and basically build a bear...you pick an empty bear, then add sound, fluff, and clothes. Then you give it a name and you get a birth certificate for it. We couldn't decide if we should do it at first, but in the end chose to make one for each girl. We are SO glad we did. Kelby got to pick out everything about her bear and she just loves it now. I think it just makes the kids bond with the bears because they get to make them. We picked out a sound recorder to put in the bear and recorded Kelby saying, "I love you beary much." They put the little sound box in the paw and now when you push it, it plays Kelby's voice. Kelby was able to help add the stuffing by putting her foot on the pedal that controls the fluff. The next station is a "fluff" station where you get to "wash" the bear with air and brush it. Kelby thought that was really cool. Then we let her pick out a cute little outfit for the bear. At the last station, you add all your info on a computer and give the bear a name. They print you out a little birth certificate. It was just such an experience. We made Tegan a bear too and had Kelby pick out the outfit for her. Tegan's doesn't have any sound box in it though. Kelby's bear is named Hope and Tegan's is named Joy. How cute is that?! Kelby has been talking to her bear and taking good care of her. It is so sweet.

We got all packed up last night and this morning we headed back to Disneyland after we checked out of the hotel. We just went on a few more of Kelby's favorite rides and did a little shopping...we found a few more characters to take pictures with too. She just loved the train, the spinning rockets, and the teacups. We even saw the Tiki Room today. She got a little tired at the end, so we headed out. The rest of the day has been devoted to getting to the airport and getting on the plane. The girls are both pleasantly sleeping as I write.

I am a little bit sad to be entering real life once again. Now we face reality. The next 3 weeks will be a bit difficult not to mention exhausting. In fact, even tomorrow I am headed down to the hospital for a 6:30 am appointment with an anesthesiologist. Kelby will be getting a new catheter put in tomorrow at 8:00 am. That means we'll be heading back towards Seattle at about 5:00 in the morning. At least Kelby will be able to sleep on her way down. They need the catheter in to give her anesthesia for the duration of her radiation treatment. It will stay in there after to avoid extra pokes.

Thank you to everyone for continuing to check in with us and leave messages in the guestbook. We appreciate every kind word, thoughts, and prayers. God bless.

WOW! What Fun!

Well, we have been having so much fun. You just can't believe how much Kelby loves it down here. I'll wait to put up more pictures when we get home, unless I have some extra time later today. Our days have been wonderful, but full. We've been trying to balance all the wonderful fun without getting over-tired kids. The girls have been waking up at 6:00 am and getting to bed late, so that is the challenge. I am just writing this all down, so I can remember it later.

So, Monday morning we got into the park and we were overwhelmed with the choices. We first hopped on the train around the park so Kelby could see everything. She liked the train a lot. I think our next stop was the tea cups. We think that is Kelby's favorite so far. The Tea Cup operator told Michael that we needn't wait in lines, but find the operators at the rides to get ahead in lines because we have "Make-A-Wish" buttons. That has been really nice. Right after the tea cups, we found Pooh, Tiger, and Eyore! The Disneyland guy with the characters spotted us and asked us if we wanted to come up the back way to meet the characters. They all spend extra long with Kelby since she is so special. We were a little afraid she would be scared of the characters, but she wasn't! Of course we visited the "It's A Small World" ride, which did kind of scare her. We spent a lot of time in Toon Town that morning too. She really loved that. It is just a fun colorful place with lots of things for her to touch and play with. We met Minnie and Mickey there too. After all that, we were pretty tired. We found some lunch at McDonald's and went to the hotel and take a nap.

fter our naptime, we headed over to Adventureland & New Orleans Square. We rode on the Jungle Cruise where Kelby got to see all kinds of animals. Next, we visited Tarzan's treehouse (which used to be the Swiss Family Robinson House) and Kelby loved that because there was a lot of stairs. We have discovered that Kelby favorite things are stairs and water. The simplest things make her very happy. We also took her on The Pirates of the Caribbean. She didn't even get that scared. Her favorite thing over there was the duckies just sitting on the water of the Mark Twain Riverboat ride. After that it was our mission to find this girl a balloon. They had ones shaped like Mickey, but we just couldn't find one of those, so we ended up getting her a mylar balloon shaped like Tigger. She got a hot dog for dinner and then we did a little shopping. She got a cool little lighted twirly thingy. She saw everyone else having one, so she wanted one. She also got a new water bottle that is really cool! We found some dinner for Mike and I...and by that time the girls were super tired. We've found that meal times are the most challenging. After dinner we got to see the Parade of Stars. Kelby really liked it. I videotaped almost the whole thing. She loves watching her own home videos, so I thought she'd love it later. We went home after that because Kelby was exhausted. Then it was bedtime.

Yesterday was a good day too. We went over early in the morning. Goofy was there at the entrance so we got a great picture. Daddy got her a cool Goofy necklace to wear. In Tomorrowland we found a ride with rocket cars that go around in a circle and can go up and down. Kelby really liked that one! Then it was our mission to find the Toy Story characters. We found Woody and Jesse in Frontierland and then went back to Tomorrowland to look for Buzz. The 3D movie there was fun. It was called "Honey, I shrunk the Audience". It scared Kelby a little bit, but I think she liked it in the end. Tegan does so good in all this stuff. She just hangs out. Buzz Lightyear was there and we got yet another great picture. Then we had an ice cream treat and headed out of the Park to take another nap. This was a earlier nap to keep her from getting too tired.

We headed over to California Adventure after naptime. We just wanted to see what it was all about. It was nice because there wasn't as many people there. Kelby got some lunch and then we went on a huge, cool Ferris Wheel. We hit the Carosel after that. She really liked that one a lot. Her favorite thing in this Park was the water! They had cool fountains and a big "lake" in the middle. We found the stars of "It's a Bugs Life" and got a picture with Flik. Then, the hit of the whole trip was a huge really cool sprinkler. Kelby got absolutely soaked. There were these really cool fountains and sprinklers that I just can't describe, but let's just say that she found her heaven on earth. I knew in that moment what Kelby will be like in heaven. If she could be that happy here on earth, that I am sure that heaven will be even better! I took a ton of video of her playing in the water so I can see it forever. Of course, unlike heaven, this little adventure had to end and the sun was going down, so she was freezing. I luckily had pants and a sweater for her, but we were out of luck on shoes. So, we went and found her some cute Minnie Mouse sandals.

California Adventure was pretty neat. She got to run around and dance there. The rides are for bigger kids, but she still liked it there for the atmosphere. It was time for dinner by that time, so we stopped at Denny's on the way back to the hotel. We layed the girls down for another "nap" after dinner because we wanted to take them back to the park at 9:00 pm to see the fireworks. Kelby was a little afraid during the fireworks, but when they were all done she said, "Those fireworks where fun. I wasn't scared." Then we got to go on a couple more rides because there weren't very many people still there by then. We went on the Rockets and Tea Cups again. Those were both here favorites. We found her some Minnie Mouse ears and a super cute "happy birthday" hat. Well, Kelby thinks it is a birthday hat, but it is really a pink princess hat with mouse ears sticking out. It is soooo cute. We hit the Dumbo ride just before the park closed. Then it was really late when we got back to the hotel, but the girls slept in this morning. Now we are off to the beach!

It Came Back

You can't imagine how badly I do not want to be writing this entry. With this entry, I announce the worst possible news. We found out yesterday that Kelby's cancer is back. For the last three weeks, I had been looking into the face this beautiful 2 ½ year old daughter, convincing myself that I see and feel a cancer returning to her sweet, innocent body. She still smiles and says happy things. She has been growing ever more healthy in the past ten months since her last major medical procedure, yet the fear was returning. As her mommy, I have been consistently concerned with the possibility that her cancer may come back. All along I have been feeling her little jaw where they first discovered cancer. It was always pleasantly surprising when I felt nothing. Recently however, I started to wonder each time...is that something I feel? I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be paranoid. After a couple weeks, I decided that I really did feel something and I finally told Michael. He had me make an appointment with our doctor at Group Health in Redmond. Since Michael could feel it too, I knew that it really was there and and I feared the worst. That anxiousness that you don’t even want to put into words lurked deep at the pit of my stomach. “No”, stay there! I don’t want to deal with this pain, this fear, this sadness again. Is it true, is it really returning? What can I do about it? Nothing. Yet the feelings are real. The fear is real.

Details: We went down to our appointment on Tuesday. The doctor felt Kelby's jaw, but at first he wasn't that concerned. He thought maybe it was bone remodeling because he didn't feel a soft tissue tumor in there. He had thought it was soft in the beginning, but he hadn't seen her until after her biopsy had been done and she was all swollen and sore. He was more concerned after I explained that the original tumor started out as a hard mass that grew and grew and that what we feel right now had grown in just about three weeks. He scheduled some scans for us the next day and answered a few of my questions about options. I broke down into tears when I explained that I just wanted time to take her to see "big" Pooh and Mickey Mouse. The social worker started working on getting us in touch with "Make A Wish" right away.

The scans were yesterday. After looking at the results of the CT and bone scans, Dr. Louie came back and confirmed that it was indeed back. They will be doing a biopsy soon just to be positive, but there just isn't anything else this could be. So we have decisions to make. The doctor went over the options. We asked if there had been any survivors of Neuroblastoma that had relasped and the doctors at both Group Health and Children's haven't had any so far. That is even with treatment of chemotherapy, radiation, or alternative methods. There are experimental trials going on, but they require you to live somewhere else during the treatment and don't guarantee any hope. We are concerned most with her quality of life. If she isn't going to make it, we want her to be as happy as long as possible. The only option that appealed to us was doing local radiation to the tumor in her jaw. The goal in doing this would be to inhibit the growth there to hopefully give us more time. Radiation has the least amount of short-term side effects. So, we going to go ahead with radiation. Tomorrow I will be taking Kelby down to the University of Washington to consult with the Radiologist. He is leaving for two weeks after that, so we had to get in right away. They'll get Kelby all set up to do radiation treatments.

The "Make A Wish" volunteers contacted and visited us yesterday at the hospital to get going on Kelby's wish. I explained that I had shown her a picture not too long ago of Mommy and Daddy with Pooh from our honeymoon and she said, "I wanna go visit "big" Pooh sometime!" She said it all by herself and that is why we want to take her there so badly. I just want to be able to take her when she so strong and healthy. So before we do any other procedures, we will be going to Disneyland. In fact we are leaving this coming Sunday. Now we just need to get ready to go.

After our trip, we'll probably jump right in to procedures. She'll have to have a fine needle biopsy to just confirm what they already believe. This will be going through the outside of her check with a needle to aspirate a little bit of tumor to test. After that we'll get started on the radiation treatments. These will be daily trips down to Seattle for a couple weeks. We'll know more about the plan after tomorrow. Once the radiation is done, we'll just have to hope and pray for each new day and be thankful for each one.

These days, I have seen my fear turn into defiance in me. This will not be a worthless toil. If this scary monster called cancer should return to our home, it will not come without a fight…a battle of wits. It will not tear down my faith, my marriage, my home. We will make our Lord victorious in our lives by declaring His triumph over our Kelby whether she live or die. We will make a difference in people’s lives…as many as we can. She cannot leave this world without changing hearts and minds to face in the direction of the Lord Jesus that she’ll go to visit. I do not fear her death. I pray that this might turn us running full speed towards our God with as many people trailing behind us. God deserves every glory. He is so much bigger than anything that might burden us down here on earth.

One important thing that we want to tell everyone is that we need everyone to remain happy in Kelby's presence. We do not want her to be afraid. The only reason to be sad is that we will miss her very much. She gets to go to heaven and we don't want her to be afraid of that! We will all have to leave the room sometimes to cry.

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family. We need strength and we need more time. We still believe that God can do great miracles too, so maybe He has that in store for us! We are staying pretty strong though we have ups and downs. This will likely be a rollercoaster.

Looking out at the Snow

Kelby is old enough to play games on the computer. She was playing while we waited for her scans.

Out in the Snow

Sisters in matching hats from "Make A Wish."

Let's start with the good stuff...I can't believe that I haven't written since the 3rd! Well, I guess a lot has happened since then. The girls continue to play and grow. They are good little girls. Tegan is crawling everywhere FAST! She is even starting to pull herself up on low stuff...of course, then she gets stuck and gets mad. Tegan is also eating a ton of "real" food. At least soft, real food. That makes meal times a little easier. Those girls are just so happy. We have fun when we go out shopping. Kelby is definately going through a "testing" stage. She tests everything we say to her to see how much she can get away with. She watches you out the corner of her eye when she knows she's doing something wrong...just to see what you'll do. It is an interesting game we are playing. It sounds like that is a very normal stage for her age. Guess what else! Kelby is now potty trained! She has panties on all the time except at bed time. She remembers to go all by herself. She even uses the potty at the store when we go out. It is so precious to see the look on her face when she does it. She is so proud of herself.

Gramma and Grampa Morrow got to come for a day last week. That was the biggest blessing ever. We had a great day. We just lounged around and then went out to lunch. They breezed in by chance with an unexpected layover of about 12 hours in Seattle. We didn't get much time, but we were thankful for it. Kelby loves to climb on Grampa!

So in these last few weeks I started thinking that I felt something again in Kelby's jaw. I didn't tell anyone at first because I thought that I was being paranoid. It kept changing though, and so I finally told Mike and he could feel it too. We took her into the hospital on Tuesday for a check-up and the doctor scheduled some scans for the next day. That was yesterday. They told us the cancer is back. This means that I need to start updating the Kelby website again. I think I'll wait to talk about that on the other website: Kelby Update

I'll still try to update this website occasionally because it is my own family scrapbook. I can talk here about things I don't need or want to share with the whole world. We especially don't want to leave Tegan out with all her new developments, so please check back here too.

Kelby climbed into Tegan's bed in the morning all by herself.

Well, it is another month. I just haven't gotten to write too much lately. The girls just kept getting sick. Everybody is healthy now, but they were both sick again since I last wrote! It is getting nicer outside here, so maybe sick season will end soon. Although the last two days we woke up to snow. The driving conditions here are horrible!

Mike had a good birthday. We just stayed home and we had cake. He didn't want to make it a big deal. I made him a music video on the computer for his birthday. It turned out really good. I have to remember to get him to make it really small so we can post it online. We are out of space on our server, so that is why I haven't written too much or added more pictures. I'll try to fit a few more on today though.
We took the girls out to dinner last Friday night at Applebees. That was fun because they were both such good little girls. Kelby kept asking for a balloon, but we told her she had to be good the whole time if she wanted one...and she did. It's good to know that we can do that sometimes.

The big Stampin' Up! sale is over now, so my Stampin' parties should slow down. I keep having stamping nights at my house and that is a lot of fun! I have one tonight. Everyone comes over from 7:00 to midnight! I let them use all my stuff and paper. It is so much fun. I call it my "Stamp-'Til-U-Cramp" nights. Other than that I haven't been up to much.

We try to get out the house with the girls because they get a little stir crazy. I don't know what we'll do this weekend, but hopefully something interesting. Of course, it is nice to just relax. Last weekend I built this really cool organizer for my stamping supplies so that pretty much consumed me. No projects planned for this weekend...especially if there is snow!

Thanks for checking up on us and for writing in the guest book! Good to hear from you all!