Joyful In Hope...

Well, the doctor won't even let me come in for a blood test for a month. I guess at least school will be out then. She must really not be worried. I was upset at first, but I'm finding peace.

On Sunday I picked up the notes from a sermon we missed a few weeks back. I was much encouraged as I read the pastor's message. It was on Romans 12:12, "Hope FADES Without Prayer."

The Verse:

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

I've always loved this verse, but sometimes you can think, "I know, I know...yeah, yeah...joyful in hope...whatever that means."

I've been so busy lately that I haven't been taking time to pray...just pray like I'm talking to my best friend about things....everything. I've noticed that when I pray, I can be more patient, when I am patient, I can feel the joy. That's the joy that isn't happiness, but the 'smile on my heart' that I know is deeper and purer.

And so now I am being faithful in prayer...well at least for the last couple days. I just pray more often and then I also am being quiet and trying to hear what God wants me to hear. I am learning a lot of things about myself and I am finding joy.

It is nice when you find these things that touch and heal your heart, just when you need them.

Don't worry, I plan to also be diligent in checking on Kelby to make sure she is running smoothly. I compared these little warnings in her as a "check engine" light in a car. My van's light came on. I didn't panic. It could be nothing. It doesn't mean the engine is going to fail. It means pay attention, have me looked at (which I haven't done with the van yet, but did do with Kelby!) Actually, Mike cleaned the battery's corroded posts and now it is fine it seems. So let's not panic with Kelby either. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do I guess.

So, now I am joyful in hope instead of bumming in mope!

So far so good...I guess

Apparently the bone marrow looks fine at first glance. They are doing additional tests and the final results should be back by Friday. I thought they'd be more concerned, but Dr. Park thinks we can wait a month before another blood draw and she doesn't want to do any scans. I guess since there isn't any "noticeable" bumps or lumps yet, they just want to wait. A month seems like a long time to me knowing how once things get started, they really take off in Kelby. But the doctor really thinks the lowered count could be from a virus. That would be great! I think I'll talk them into at least doing counts again in two weeks. That way, if things are fine, I'll be able to rest easy again. If they aren't maybe they'll get more concerned too.

My biggest fear is that there is something internal that we can't see and if we wait a month we won't have very many options. At the same time I can see that rushing into a scan probably won't do us any good right now. It is a hard place to be. Kelby is feeling and acting happy except for the occasional tiredness, so I don't really want to make waves for her. I have to keep an eye on a lump in her armpit. It is an enlarged lymph node, but it isn't suspicious yet. If is continues to grow we'll get nervous. It is under the other arm this time.

I have to pretend like I'm not worried now for at least two weeks...maybe a month, so that will be a challenge. At least I'm not too busy right now. I'm thankful for that.

I really do trust God's timing and purpose in all these things. Every time something has happened with Kelby I have seen the hand of God in the when and the how. I can trust him now too. Hopefully I'll draw nearer to Him instead of being fearful. I hope we all can do that!

Trip to Children's

Our trip to Children's wasn't as good as I hoped. I had myself convinced that her counts were going to be up today, but they cut in half since we checked 16 days ago. We went ahead with the bone marrow biopsy, so she got her dizzy medicine. She was really scared to do it this time, but when she was done she remembered how much she liked it. She came out in a drunk stupor and I was almost jealous. We won't know the results of that for a few more days.

We have an appointment to go back down next week to check her blood again. We don't know what the doctor thinks yet because she had jury duty today. If the bone marrow doesn't show anything I imagine that they'll want to do some scans again.

The nurse practioner and I looked over her bloods counts from the last couple years. As I had thought, it showed that they went down whenever her cancer was active. Her ANC (infection fighting white blood cell count) is down to 722 which is the lowest it has been...except when she was getting chemotherapy.

I wish we knew more. It is possible that it is nothing, but the nurse said she suspected something was going on. I'll keep you up to date as I learn anything more. As always, thank you for your prayers.

On the super bright side...I have a new nephew "Gabriel Manuel Magana" (I hope that is spelled right.) He is an adorable 8 lb 11 oz baby born to my sister Andrea on Saturday afternoon. Maybe she'll let me post his picture soon.

Out in the Garden...

I worked in my garden today. At least I've got something planted. Let's see if I can keep from killing everything. I have to remember to water it. Yikes. Mike's garden is coming up now. We all love being out in the yard. The girls played in the hose today. It was 80 degrees. Almost too hot for me!

Kelby had another tired night last night, but I almost have myself convinced that she is just going through an emotional stage. She really just goes to bed when she doesn't want to do what she's supposed to be doing...like homework or going to school. She is a quiet girl that doesn't like to talk much about her feelings. She hasn't switched schools yet, but says she wants to so maybe something about school is bothering her. I can't get her to talk about it if that is what it is. She says nothing is bothering her. Most of the time she seems completely normal, so she's probably fine. Plus, yesterday we rode our bikes to the playground, then they played, and rode home, so no wonder she would be extra tired.

I've gotten a chance to read a couple books. You know I'm relaxed when you see me reading, not because reading relaxes me, but because I won't let myself read unless there isn't anything else to worry about. I have my bible study tomorrow and book club tomorrow night. FUN!

Mother's Day was nice and relaxing. They give us See's chocolates at church every Mother's Day, so I didn't miss out on that. Mike made dinner and did dishes and they let me read. I got a bit of a sunburn though.

I'm feeling great now that I got rid of a few responsibilities! Yeah!

Calming Down...

Well, I'm starting to feel better as I have finished and handed off some of my projects. Yesterday was the Parent Group Teacher Appreciation Luncheon. I shopped and made some food for that, but it is now done. I had posters to a paint for next Friday's dance, but I asked a teacher to have her students do it instead. Now I only have prizes to find for the kids for the walk-a-thon. There are several ladies helping me with the walk-a-thon stuff this year, so it shouldn't be too bad after that.

Kelby was only tired one day this week. On Monday morning she lost control of herself and was standing on the sidewalk at school crying saying she was tired. I decided to take her home and let her sleep. She went back to school after laying down for 2 hours. Other than that, she had been fine. Mike says it has only happened since daylight savings, so maybe she is just waking up too early from the sun. We stil have planned for a blood draw on Monday the 22nd of May. If the counts are still low, they'll sedate her and do a bone marrow biopsy, so hopefully we won't have to do that. That's just done with a needle into the hip bone.

Tegan's birthday was fun. The cousins were over and we had a pinata and let them draw on some little wooden boxes for their craft. I kept it simple. On Monday, her best friend and cousin, Naomi, came over for the day instead of the little party I had planned. They had a good time and she was satisfied. We went out to dinner at Red Robin that night, so they sang to her and gave her ice cream. Then we opened a few presents before bed. She's happy to be five and thinks she's so big now.

I still have a little painting and finishing to do in my family room. Then I have that yard work to look forward to. Mike rototilled me a flower garden space, so I better plant something in it! Those things I can do for fun though without due dates, so that makes it easy.

Hope everyone had a great, relaxing, Mother's Day!

Losing My Mind...

I write more often these days and still I can't remember what happened between entries. On Thursday Anika had her speech therapy appointment. Then we did our weekly shopping trip to Costco. That afternoon we delivered a meal to a friend that just adopted a baby. Then that night I went to a Parent Group meeting at the school.

On Friday we went to the zoo. Mike took the day off and Kelby skipped school. We met our friend Scott (Mike's best man at our wedding) and his family there. They came in from Montana. It was a beautiful sunny day that was thoroughly enjoyed. Tegan and their son James became "best friends" in a matter of an hour or so.

We stopped in at Children's Hospital on our way to the zoo to have Kelby's blood drawn. Her counts were safe though on the very lowest side of normal. I think they are lower than the were in previous months. I'll call the hospital tomorrow to have them compare the last few times and talk to the nurse. I'm trying not to be worried, but I also want to be cautious and stay on top of anything that may come up. It is a fine line to walk. Most of the time I stay on the side of just living in today and appreciating the normal, but sometimes I tip into the side that makes me worried and lets my mind wander into what could happen.

On Saturday I got to go to a ladies brunch. There was a speaker and a workshop and worship. It was refreshing. Sometimes I just need to hear a woman speaker because they touch my heart differently than our normal pastor on Sunday morning. The gal said we need to examine our motivations for all we do as wives and mothers. Our motivation is our compass and if a compass is just a little off, you can think you're headed in the right direction, but end up way off your mark. I had to do a bunch of shopping for Tegan's birthday parties after the brunch and ended up at home feeling stressed and frazzled. I just lost it and started crying. I realized that my compass has been off lately and I'm trying to impress people and prove myself by all I can accomplish. I had been planning two parties for Tegan, one for the family and one for our friends. I was using Tegan's birthday as an opportunity to have ladies over for a brunch while the kids played. Ut was a nice idea, but it got too overwhelming. I decided to canceled it. Tegan didn't really care because I told her we'd have her cousin Naomi over for the day instead.

I am feeling much better today. We went to church and then Mike's family came over here for the party. We had sandwiches and salad for lunch. The kids did a pinata and made a craft. This house is much better for all the people! Tegan seemed quite satisfied with her party. Tomorrow is her actual birthday so we'll make it special by having a tea party lunch with Naomi and maybe by going out to dinner. I'm glad my girls are so easy to please. She didn't open presents from Mike and I or the family from Arizona yet, so that will make tomorrow fun too!

Tegan is so cute with presents. That girl just LOVES anything she gets. She is so appreciative. She got a new doll from Great Gramma and Grampa Wright. When she was going to bed she was combing her hair and putting her to bed. She also got a new blanket and had that in bed too.

PS. I'll get some pictures up soon from the zoo and the party.

PSS. Anika has also knows the word "ice" though she says it "ish". She also thinks that everything is the color "boo". I'd like to record her and get those posted too.

Wow! May Already...

I can't believe how fast the days have been going by. I have myself busy with the school right now. I can't wait until summer. Last night we had a craft night to make decorations for our upcoming family 50's dance. It was a fiasco. The kids had a great time, but it was messy and chaotic. I guess that I should be happy that at least the kids had fun. Now I just need to find donations for prizes for the kids that earn a lot of donations for the Walk-A-Thon. I should give up since it isn't even going to be our school next year, but I just can't. I want to see them get something on the playground before I leave!

Kelby's been really tired lately. She puts herself down for naps after school sometimes. I don't know if she is growing or what. I'm trying to see if they can check her blood count on Friday since we are going down to Seattle anyway to visit the zoo.

Mike is putting a garden in the backyard. It is going to be so much fun. The girls are enjoying being out in the yard with him. I am not getting involved in the garden unless he wants me to pull weeds. It's all his project. I am going to work on a perinnial garden.

The price of gas and airplane tickets has skyrocketed in the last two weeks. Now we aren't sure what we can do to go down to Arizona for a visit. I hope we can figure something out. Gas is just ridiculous these days!

Those are my random thoughts for today. Hope you are all doing great!