Nothing There!

Well, we just got home from the doctor this afternoon. "The scans look great!" they said. There isn't anything in her jaw to worry about and the lymph nodes didn't appear to be abnormal. Whoo-hoo! I didn't know how to feel at first...it took me some time to process the information, but I am growing ever more excited as the day goes by. There's so much emotion behind this...we know that everything is okay right now...and that is what matters! We have lots of time to enjoy ahead of us.

At first I was just stunned to know that she is doing so well. Either way the scans turned out I knew it would be hard. It may not make sense, but even knowing that things look okay, I am still waiting on the "inevitable" relapse of this terrible cancer. I know that I need to get over that. I need to live everyday as best I can and let the rest be in God's hands, but I have the bad habit of trying to carry it all on my own shoulders. It is hard to have hope for a miracle. I do know that I am thankful for every day I get. I'd appreciate it so much more if I could just stop worrying so much. I think that God is working on me though. I feel like there is a lesson to be learned from the Israelites as they made their exodus from Egypt through the desert for 40 years. It seems like we are walking through a desert right now. I just need to realize that God is right there with me at all times. God provided just what his people needed when they needed it in the desert...He guided them with a pillar of cloud and light. If I could just accept my desert and learn to keep my eyes on the Pillar, maybe I can survive each day not even needing to know what the future holds. I am thankful for all that I have received and all that God has done through this desert and I am thankful that He is with me on this journey.

After these first emotions hit, I had a "deer in the headlights" reaction. It took some time before I could relax and really be thankful for this wonderful news. I am so excited for our wonderful, worry-free trip to Disneyland this month! Wow, I bet we'll have a wonderful fall and Christmas this year. The heavy heart is just getting lighter as I let myself think about the future in a positive way again. I wish we would have known this good news 2 weeks ago with the first scans. I am so glad that I was wrong about the bump I felt. I saw the scans myself, and I think I had been feeling a tooth that is in her jaw. I'll have to try harder to not jump to conclusions. The doctor that I talked with is the one that is the "realist" of the oncology pair at our hospital. I was glad to talk with him because I can believe him when he is positive, because he never sugar-coats anything. (Not that I don't appreciate our other doctor that is the "optimist." They are a great pair.) I asked him what I should do now and he said, "Just...live." Whew, that's a hard one, but I'll do my best!

Thank you for all the praying! Please continue to do so! I love you all and am so thankful that so many people care about our little darling. God bless. ~ Shawna